words » Funny

Snake

Jeff Fitzsimons — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 02:09:35 +0000

This story was a very interesting read.

Worst Spam Ever

Jeff Fitzsimons — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:11:36 +0000

It’s not even really spam. I assume it’s an attempt to validate random email addresses by analyzing bounces.

How Many Chocolate-Covered Espresso Beans to Kill Me?

Jeff Fitzsimons — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:34:22 +0000

Someone at work left an open tub of Trader Joe’s chocolate-covered espresso beans in the break room. Unable to resist their chocolaty siren’s call, I soon myself munching them down like Skittles. Since I’m unavoidably somewhat morbid, this got me thinking, just how many of these would it take to kill me?

Well, this required a bit of research…

How Much Caffeine Is Lethal?

According to Wikipedia, the LD50 (median lethal dose, i.e. the dose at which 50% of subjects die) in humans is estimated to be around 150 to 200 milligrams per kilogram of body mass.

I weigh on the order of 180 pounds. (actually, slightly more) That’s 81.65 kilograms. Given 150 to 200 grams per kilogram, that works out to 12247.5 – 16330 milligrams.

So, it would take between 12.25 and 16.33 grams of caffeine to kill me.

How Many Beans?

Acccording to this coffee FAQ, a chocolate-covered espresso bean contains 3 – 5 milligrams of caffeine. So, it could take anywhere from 2,450 and 5,443 chocolate-covered espresso beans to kill me.

How Many Tubs?

27 beans adds up to 2.0 ounces. Since a container of Trader Joe’s chocolate-covered espresso beans is 14 ounces, that makes approximately 190 beans per container.

So, I would have to eat between 13 and 29 tubs in order to die of caffeine overdose.

Outstanding Questions

What is the timeframe in which all these beans would have to be consumed?

What is the actual physical volume of all these beans?

Aeroflot comment

Jeff Fitzsimons — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 19:24:12 +0000

Cracked.com had a so-so article which mentioned Russian discount airline Aeroflot.

The winning comment was by Kostanza:

Big Red vs Little Cinnamon Gum

Jeff Fitzsimons — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:01:41 +0000

I remember these incessant Big Red television ads from my childhood:

“no little cinnamon gum freshens breath longer than Big Red”

To this day, I want to get my hands on that colorful, little, cinnamon gum! My mouth literally waters at the thought of it.

Besides, who wants to chew a gum emblazoned with a logo that screams, “compensating”?

(found on a compilation of three hours of MTV recordings from 1983)

Google Translate: Heath Ledger is the Spanish Tom Cruise

Jeff Fitzsimons — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 19:24:19 +0000

Loose, lose, to, two? (Digg)

Jeff Fitzsimons — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 19:14:12 +0000

So-called “social networking” sites are a virtual goldmine of comedy. Unfortunately, it’s a very deep mine with a tremendous amount of unfunny to get through first. I trimmed down this conversation to the bare, humorous minimum.

Chainsaw (YouTube)

Jeff Fitzsimons — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 22:17:36 +0000

This delightful YouTube video shows a small child being placed in front of a cobra. The poor cobra is said to be de-fanged and/or has its mouth sewn shut. The cobra is, predictably, annoyed by the child (aren’t we all?) so it strikes ineffectually.

YouTube comments are the cesspool of humanity, which makes them particularly enjoyable. This comment, in particular, struck a chord with me:

“I would kill the snake with my chainsaw,” brilliant!

I am currently idle

Jeff Fitzsimons — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:47:59 +0000

I sent an IM to Yumi. When I didn’t get an immediate response, I locked my workstation to play some foosball. When I returned, I found this:

[15:24] Jeff: so did you read about the earthquake yet?
[15:31] Yumiko: i did
[15:31] *** Auto-reply sent to Yumiko: I am currently idle.
[15:31] Yumiko: me too lol
[15:32] *** Auto-reply sent to Yumiko: I am currently idle.
[15:34] Yumiko: hey, how can i cash in a check?
[15:34] *** Auto-reply sent to Yumiko: I am currently idle.
[15:34] Yumiko: y are you keep saying that?????
[15:34] *** Auto-reply sent to Yumiko: I am currently idle.
[15:34] Yumiko: ????????????
[15:34] *** Auto-reply sent to Yumiko: I am currently idle.